I cockslap morals
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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