At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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