I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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