i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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