He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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