every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize