my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize