After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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