i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize