Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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