if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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