The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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