i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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