I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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