ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize