I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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