i permit you to call me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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