What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought spray tan was a myth
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You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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