so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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