I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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