piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize