it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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