I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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