i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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