9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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