My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize