I wish you could order shots online.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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