It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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