trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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