If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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