How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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