I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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