i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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