I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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