After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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