so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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