I am puke
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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