What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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