I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
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Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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