God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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