I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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