I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize