I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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