Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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