My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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