Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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