you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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