guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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