I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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