Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't notice because vodka
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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